Sunday 21 March 2010

Paid assassins?

It would seem that, recently, the locals' bad driving has turned into something more sinister. I am wondering if the motorists round these parts have mutated from being just crap drivers into motorised assassins. Only the other day, my decision to pop home at lunchtime almost had dire consequences. Twice in the space of ten minutes, the car's brakes and seatbelt locking were given a thorough testing.

To the monsieur at the wheel of a silver 307 (or whatever those things are): I was on the roundabout and my lane positioning (yes, I know, difficult concept for you French numpties) and use of indicators made it perfectly clear that I would be remaining on the roundabout and not exiting down the road you were approaching on. So why, please explain to me, did you think it was OK to come steaming onto the roundabout and cut off my right of way? Good thing my brakes work well, isn't it? Because you thought my car was going to hit yours, didn't you? I deduced that from the panicked swerve you executed, and the way you instinctively raised your arms to your face to shield yourself. Next time you pull that trick, the car already on the roundabout will almost certainly broadside you. That will learn you a lesson. You prick.

To the female in the dark-coloured Audi A3: being blonde, driving a car worth more than mine, talking on your mobile whilst driving.... None of these things dispense you from giving way to oncoming cars at an intersection. Just as a reminder, when the light is green for cars coming towards you, you must wait (the highway code talks about "giving way", an interesting concept you may want to learn more about) until all the cars coming towards you have cleared the junction, and then you may turn across the road and continue your journey. You may not turn into the priority traffic and cause the drivers to have to do another emergency stop. One of those drivers was me. I had already tested my brakes and my seatbelt locking system just 8 minutes previously. They, and my reactions, were in perfect working order. I didn't need or want to test them again. You witless fanny.

I am starting to wonder if they are out to get me, specifically. I mean, having to execute emergency avoidance manoeuvres is to be expected on occasion. But every time I get behind the wheel? Surely no. It's worrying. Luck has been on my side up until now. But my reactions can only be so good for so long... If something happens to me, you'll know. It was the assassin motorists.


Anonymous said...

Nope, not you. French are super weird with roundabouts... Frankly, I just find them dangerous. We spent hours at the driving school to learn how to best drive around them and yet most people are clueless.

Brennig said...

There is an international brotherhood of motorised assassins. They are called... The Twunts. The Twunts stalk their prey and are always looking for a quick, clean, kill.

Ghosty said...

We have what you folks call "roundabouts" in most every city. I fail to see what the difficulty is. You get on, you swerve to avoid the tards who can't drive, you get off. Simple. :)

the fly in the web said...

Heart in mouth at every big town roundabout.
Especially the light controlled one that lets you get on to it just in time to be cut up by a priority from the right stream coming into it ahead of you.